Police Blotter

July 23 – August 12

Arroyo Grande

• Aug. 12: Some power-hungry apparent anarchist cut electrical cords that were attached to RVs parked on Coach Road. 

• Aug. 10: Some hammered dude out for a drive got arrested for DUI after driving the wrong way on a one-way road. 

• Aug. 10: Two drills were stolen at Miner’s Hardware. 

• Aug. 10: Some apparent slime ball on the 1100 block of West Branch was arrested after he allegedly set up to meet with someone he believed was 15-years old, so that they could have sex. When he arrived at the location, he was busted.

• Aug. 9: Some jumbo Jack was arrested after a disturbance and Jack-in-the-Box revealed he was under the influence of a controlled substance. 

Morro Bay

• Aug. 5: Police contacted a model citizen at 10 p.m. in the Lila Keiser Park and homeless non-shelter. Logs indicated the fellow was cited and released for suspicion of possessing illegal drugs and paraphernalia, as he was apparently not worth to gas to take to jail. 

• Aug. 5: Police and firefighters responded at 5 p.m. to Farmer’s Market in the 900 block of Main to document a woman who tripped and apparently landed in a potential lawsuit.

Aug. 4: Police contacted a suspicious woman at 9:20 a.m. in Lila Keiser Park and cited her for suspicion of loitering… in a public park. Police also confiscated two bicycles they found in the park, which means someone will have to go steal another one. In an unrelated matter, at 9 a.m. someone in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd., reported his or her mountain bike was stolen. Caze sol-ved? Perhaps…though logs indicated “insufficient evidence.”

• Aug. 2: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 7:41 a.m. at San Jacinto and Coral. Logs indicated the driver, 29, was arrested because he’d allegedly boosted the car.

• Aug. 1: At 10:05 p.m. in the 500 block of Quintana, police contacted an urban nomad whom they arrested for suspicion of illegal camping and being stinky in public.

• Aug. 1: Police contacted a regular customer at 10:35 p.m. in Lila Keiser Park and arrested the 49-year-old woman for three outstanding, misdemeanor warrants, a case of three will get ya 30.

•July 30: Police responded at 8:36 p.m. to Albertson’s on Quintana, where an apparently unruly woman was causing a disturbance. The belle of the ball, 67, was arrested for a warrant and for being schnockered. Then on Aug. 1, and no doubt freshly pressed after a stay in the hoosegow, the same malcontent was causing a disturbance at Spencer’s Market on Main. She was booked for a return engagement.

• July 31: Police contacted a wanted woman, 22, in the 600 block of La Loma who had a bench warrant. She was cited and released, a second bench warrant, no doubt in her future.

• July 31: A citizen in the 2600 block of Hemlock reported getting annoying text messages and death threats by someone they know, a case of with friends like this…

• July 31: Police towed away a motorhome parked too long on Pacific. On Aug. 1, they towed a trailer off Sunset and Aug. 4 they rid the world of another car in the 1000 block of Quintana, as the DMV’s pound of flesh was long overdue.

• July 30: A woman, 56, was contacted at 7:41 p.m. in the 700 block of Morro Bay Blvd., and was cited and released on a bench warrant. Which apparently didn’t sit well with a fellow at that location. By 8:20 he was causing a ruckus and police were called. That bent fellow, 56, was tossed to the County cooler to chill.

• July 30: Police contacted a suspicious man at 1 p.m. in the 1000 block of Quintana. Logs indicated the All Star, 34, was arrested for suspicion of being UTI on drugs, and possessing a crack pipe, syringes and needles. He was injected into County Jail.

• July 30: A fisherman in the 1200 block of Embarcadero said his fishing gear was stolen. Logs said police have no bites, as this one probably got away.

• July 30: Police and fire responded at 11:44 p.m. to a 2-car collision at Main and Pacific, where the City refuses to install stop signs.

• July 28: There was a 2-car collision at 8:51 p.m. at Main and Marina, as the Main Street raceway claims two more.

• July 28: Someone reported a fellow flexing his beer muscles at 9 p.m. in the 700 block of the Boulevard. He was nailed on suspicion of being hammered.

• July 28: Police responded at 1:05 p.m. to a single vehicle crash in the 900 block of Main. No injuries reported, so that’s nice.

• July 28: At 4:14 a.m., someone reported a fight between patients at a senior care home on Teresa Drive. No report, as it was apparently a draw.

• July 27: Someone in the 900 block of Embarcadero reported her purse was stolen; no doubt a case of exacting a tourist tax.

• July 27: Police were called at 2:30 a.m. to Albertson’s after someone reported hearing a woman yelling. Officers found her in the bushes behind the store. Naturally, she had a warrant and got nicked, no doubt just to shut her up.

• July 26: Police responded to a disturbance at 6:55 p.m. in the 1000 block of Kennedy Way. A familiar fellow, 56, was arrested on suspicion of being butt-toast.

• July 26: A woman in the 400 block of Kings said her Thule rack and a kayak were stolen off the roof of her vehicle. 

July 26: Police rousted a regular customer they found at 12:40 a.m. in the 700 block of Quintana. Logs indicated the fooliot had a bench warrant, and was in possession of crank — a parole violation. He was booked and the recidivism rate climbed another half tick.

• July 25: Police responded down by the launch ramp on Embarcadero at 5:39 p.m. where they arrested an apparent squatter, 37, for suspicion of unlawfully entering a residence, giving police a fake name, resisting arrest, and being UTI on drugs, which explains a lot.

• July 25: Someone turned in two passports they found in the 100 block of Formosa.

• July 24: A couple of scofflaws were jailed in separate incidents. At 7:52 a.m., a man, 34, was nabbed in the 700 block of Quintana with a felony, no bail warrant. At 9:30, they nabbed another model citizen, 32, at Embarcadero and Front who had a misdemeanor arrest warrant. 

• July 24: At 4:11 p.m. some swizzle stick was stirring up a ruckus in the 700 block of Embarcadero. The apparent highball, 28, was arrested for suspicion of being UTI.

• July 23: Police responded at 11 p.m. to a disturbance in the 300 block of Rennel. They arrested one apparent battleaxe, 60, for suspicion of assault.

• July 23: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 7:18 p.m. in the 900 block of Allesandro. A passenger, 34, had four warrants. The driver, 37, was popped for allegedly driving high on drugs. They shared a black and white uber to County Jail.

In an unrelated but similar scenario, they stopped another vehicle at 3:34 p.m. in the 2800 block of Main. That driver, 40, was done in by a DUI and his female passenger, 31, was allegedly high on drugs and she too got checked into the SLO County Ritz.

Pismo Beach

• Aug. 7: Some dude fired from California Fresh Market for alleged drug activity called the store and was reportedly angry and possibly high. Employees wanted police to know in case there was further issue.

• Aug. 7: A guy, who was possibly (probably?) high, on the 2700 block of Spyglass took a gas can from a car and started sprinting across a parking lot, trampling bushes, before hiding behind a car. Meanwhile, an officer was flagged down by a landscaper who reported three guys in their 20s had stolen his gas can. One alleged gaseous thief was arrested for being under the influence, no doubt sniffing gas.

• Aug. 6: A caller reported that a woman ran a stop sign and then parked in front of a business on the 1100 block of Price. She appeared to be under the influence. Upon searching the car, police found suspected drugs.

• Aug. 6: Some dirty sneaks dumped trash in the dirty linen bin at Shell Beach Brew House. The brain trusts had left their names on paperwork in the bags that they had left behind.

• Aug. 6: Some Moon Over My Hammy hanging out in Denny’s appeared to be high on something after he was talking to himself saying something about the business taking his card!?! It seems he had left an EBT card at the location and wanted to pick it up. It also seems he still owed them money.

• Aug. 6: A man on the 1200 block of Price refused to leave a residence. The caller said that they had met the guy the night prior, and he had stayed. The next day, when he “got crazy” they tried to kick him out. He did end up going outside and was warned about trespassing. This is why you shouldn’t invite strays to spend the night.

• Aug. 6: A man in the road at Price and Hinds was yelling at passing cars. Police confronted the town crier who said that he would return to his hotel room where, hopefully, there are no cars to get mad at.

• Aug. 6: Someone who appeared to be up to his gills in booze entered Ventana Grill. They did not serve him another round, so he left. Police caught up with him and he was hauled off for DUI.

• Aug. 5: Numerous overnight campers were near the Butterfly Grove. Some of them had even put up tents. They agreed to pack it up and flutter away.

• Aug. 5: A male transient was reportedly yelling at himself while going through trashcans at the Outlet Center. He checked out okay.

• Aug. 5: Three suspicious males on the footbridge on the 100 block of Bridge were reportedly holding either beer cans or spray paint. Whatever they were holding turned out to have something to do with their bikes. Later a guy in the bathroom for 5 minutes at the Five Cities Shell station refused to come out. He was associated with the cyclist on the bridge. He came out before police arrived and they all said that they would leave the area, for real this time.

• Aug. 5: A woman, who clearly doesn’t know a good thing when it is right in front her, got booted from Rite Aid after she was caught opening packages to steal items. Employees were hoping that she would just leave and police wouldn’t be needed, but she loitered in front of the store taking pictures. She appeared to be under the influence. She was advised against trespassing. 

San Luis Obispo

• Aug. 10: A woman walking in the 1100 block of Garden St., found a bank deposit bag from a nearby business. Logs said it had a single check inside, apparently a lousy day for sales.

• Aug. 10: At 5:51 a.m. a citizen in the 600 block of Pismo awoke to someone screaming outside and then heard someone running away. Police arrived 3 minutes later, and found nothing to scream about.

• Aug. 10: At 5 a.m. in the 1300 block of Stafford a citizen reported seeing a suspicious man rifling through cars and stealing stuff. A report was begun so the rifleman apparently got away.

• Aug. 10: A citizen in the 800 block of Vista called at 3:43 a.m. to report a suspicious, dark, 4-door sedan was circling the neighborhood slowing down in front of every house. No report but the pizza was no doubt late.

• Aug. 10: At 2 a.m. someone was hot about a campfire burning under the creek bridge at Marsh and Higuera. 

• Aug. 10: The motion alarm went off at 1:23 a.m. at the Old Mission Church’s mural room. Logs indicated it was a malfunction and not the second coming.

• Aug. 10: At 12:45 a.m. an officer spotted some sneaky fellow trying to hide in the 1000 block of Mill at the Babu Law Firm. The 68-year-old squatter was cited for alleged trespassing, but at least he now knows where to get a lawyer.

• Aug. 9: At 10:35 p.m. in the 11900 block of LOVR someone reported two peckerwoods going at it outside Dick’s. 

• Aug. 9: Someone called police at 10:09 p.m. from the 800 block of Leff to complain about some poor schmuck sleeping in a parked car, as they just can’t let sleeping dogs lie here in San Ludicrous. 

• Aug. 9: A citizen called at 8:49 p.m. from Higuera and Santa Rosa to report a traffic hazard, some swizzle stick was walking out into traffic. The 64-year-old potential speed bump was jailed no doubt for his own good.

• Aug. 9: A disturbance was reported at 8:47 p.m. in the 12500 block of LOVR. A 38-year-old probationer was arrested for suspicion of being squashed at the strawberry stand.

• Aug. 9: The AT&T Store in the 700 block of Higuera reported a woman had fallen unconscious and was having seizures. No word on whether that was before or after she got the phone bill.

• Aug. 9: Police got a call at 6:48 p.m. by McClintock’s Saloon, where someone ratted out two unruly dogs at Farmer’s Market. 

• Aug. 9: Police responded at 6:41 p.m. to Target on LOVR after some dude filled a shopping cart and tried to use the help-yourself aisle. They got the stuff back but he got away.

• Aug. 9: Police responded at 5:21 p.m. to a 4-car crash on the Madonna Road overpass on Hwy 101. No injuries reported and it took 40 minutes to clear the call.

• Aug. 9: Police were called at 5:10 p.m. to the Social Security Office on Higuera for a report of three transient rag pickers digging through the dumpsters and setting up camp, on Uncle Sam’s property, in this week’s example of why we need SWAT.

• Aug. 9: Some clown abandoned a Carnival van and a sailboat at Poinsettia and Bougainvillea. Another boat and trailer was left high and dry at Madonna and Dalidio, and a brown Honda Civic was F.O.R.D. in the 600 block of Peach.

• Aug. 9: At 2:32 p.m. at Madonna and LOVR across from the gas station on the corner, someone reported an apparently insane man was lying naked on the hot sidewalk. No word on whether he was burned on the flip or the flop side but mental health was advised.

• Aug. 9: Police were notified that the Cal Poly Police Department was conducting an “active shooter scenario” from 1-5 p.m. on campus. 

• Aug. 9: Police were asked to assist with a new patient going a bit crazy at County Mental Health.

• Aug. 9: Some dingus dumped an old washing machine in front of a house in the 1800 block of Sola. Police sent public works out to get it. In an unrelated matter, at 9 a.m. someone reported a transient fellow sleeping outside the County Courthouse.

• Aug. 9: Police were called at 8:44 a.m. to the 700 block of Foothill where someone complained about a transient woman who was “talking to herself and looks dirty” outside California Fresh Market. She was gone when they arrived, no doubt taking her own advice to split.

• Aug. 9: Someone called at 8:18 a.m. to report a guy passed out on the ground by his truck on the second level of the Marsh Street parking garage. No word on the parking fees for that one.

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