• June 27: A man at The Pit was arrested for being drunk in public. Now that’s the pits.
• June 26: A woman on Raspberry was punched in the face by her sister no doubt raising a sizable raspberry on her face, a case of, “We are family. I got all my sisters and me.”
• June 26: A woman gave her credit card number to a fraudulent company to fix her computer. The slime balls used it to buy items overseas. Meanwhile, over at CVS Pharmacy someone else used another person’s credit card to buy stuff. Let’s go back to carrying cash when you only had to fear being mugged.
• June 26: Someone on East Grand Avenue was arrested for outstanding warrants and possession of heroin, and injected into County Jail.
• June 22: Counterfeit bills are back. Someone tried to cash a phony Benjamin ($100 bill) at Gill’s.
• June 24: Police stopped a fellow at 9:46 p.m. in the 200 block of Dunes. The driver, 38, was arrested on suspicion of being high on drugs and the vampires took him to French Hospital for a bloodletting, before he was tossed in the dungeon.
• June 24: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 3:42 p.m. at South Bay and Quintana. Logs indicated the driver and mother-of-the-year candidate was arrested on suspicion of DUI, possession of heroin and drug paraphernalia, no license, false registration, oh, and child endangerment. Her passenger was arrested for suspicion of possessing crank. Both were sent up river, and presumably, the endangered child was separated from his or her family.
• June 24: At 1 p.m. police stopped a suspicious vehicle in the 1800 block of Main. The driver, 49, had a suspended license and she was DMV’d.
• June 23: Police fishers set the hook into a wanted fellow at 4:37 p.m. in Lila Keiser Park, currently the hot fishin’ spot for scofflaws.
• June 23: A citizen told police that he or she had found cash just lying on the sidewalk in the 800 block of Morro Bay Blvd., next door to the police station. Someone else found an undisclosed treasure at Balboa and Kings. And finally a deceased citizen was found in the 1700 block of Embarcadero and the Coroner’s Office was called in.
• June 23: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle out at the suspect time of 4:21 a.m. on Hwy 41 heading out of town. The woman driver, 31, was arrested for allegedly driving on a toot, possession of heroin and a “used hypodermic syringe.” She was injected into a cell.
• June 22: Police contacted an old friend at 10:12 a.m. in the 700 block of Quintana. The apparent hype was arrested for allegedly being high on drugs and a probation violation. In an unrelated societal commentary, at 8:44 p.m. June 21, police responded to a disturbance in the 500 block of Main. A 27-year-old apparent all star hit for the cycle — suspicion of violation of felony probation, violation of a “no threaten” criminal protection court order, under the influence of a controlled substance, and possession of Cocaine, which explains a lot. Her downward spiral continued in County Jail.
• June 21: At 12:39 a.m. police responded to a disturbance in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd. A 51-year-old fruit-loop dingus was arrested for suspicion of “brandishing an imitation firearm (air rifle) and threatening the victim.”
• June 18: Police responded at 2:26 a.m. to a disturbance in the 600 block of Harbor. They arrested some bent gent for suspicion of getting schnuckered.
• June 17: Police took a car burglary report out on Hwy 1 somewhere. Someone in the 2800 block of Main reported his or her license plate was boosted. And in the 1700 block of Embarcadero someone smashed the window of a vehicle and stole whatever was inside, as tourist season gets off to a smashing start.
• June 17: Police responded at 6:20 a.m. to somewhere on Hwy 1 for a domestic disturbance. Logs indicated two “VOs” or victim-offenders were arrested for domestic violence on each other and the hotheads were booked into the County cooler.
• June 16: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 10:41 p.m. in the 1400 block of Main. The driver, 27 of Cayucos had a suspended license and was cited and released but his car went to jail.
• June 16: In the 700 block of MBB, at 5:46 p.m. police contacted a woman who was so drunk… “How drunk was she?” She was so drunk she had to be hospitalized. Police wrote up the Boozeheimer’s bender and sent it to the District Attorney for possible inaction.
• June 16: Police responded at 1:30 p.m. to Morro Rock where someone tripped and fell. Police documented the carnage for the lawsuit to follow.
• June 16: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 9:50 a.m. at Atascadero Road and Embarcadero. Logs indicated the 50-year-old driver was arrested for suspicion of auto theft and giving police a fake name. He went to the hoosegow.
• June 15: Police stopped yet another suspicious vehicle at 3 p.m. in the 700 block of Quintana. The woman driver, 37, had a warrant and was also allegedly driving under the influence of prescription meds, as she apparently didn’t heed the warning label.
• June 14: Police took a series of unlocked car break-in reports in the 900 block of Marina and logs said they have no clue.
• June 13: Police responded at 6:49 p.m. to Albertson’s Market where they’d caught a sticky-fingered woman allegedly using the help-yourself line.
• June 13: A disturbance at 4:51 p.m. brought the cops running to the 700 block of Embarcadero. A 55-year-old woman was arrested for suspicion of domestic violence.
• June 11: Police responded at 11:22 p.m. to a disturbance in the 1500 block of Main. Logs indicated while investigating the matter, they arrested an apparent train wreck for suspicion of going off the rails.
• June 11: Police towed off travel trailers in the 2000 block of Reno and at Piney and Kennedy Way. They also towed a Chevy Malibu from Harbor and Main and a motor home from Lila Keiser Park for having expired tags. Two other vehicles were given the ‘ol heave-ho from the 400 block of Atascadero Rd., one for parking in one place too long and the other for registration expired over a year; and a vehicle from the 1100 block of Allesandro.
• June 27: A car was running near Boosinger Park for about an hour. No word on why but everything checked out fine.
• June 27: The IRS scam is back. One caller received four calls saying that he would be arrested if he didn’t call back.
• June 27: Some scoundrel stole the tip jar at Fay’s Fusion and ran off. The jar itself was recovered, but, naturally, the money was gone. Police caught up with the thieves in the pier parking lot. It was two juveniles that came up as runaways from a group home in Bakersfield. They were with a worker from another group home who told police that they must not have been taken out of the system. At this point will they ever really get out of the system?
• June 27: People in a car on the 600 block of Cypress appeared to be getting high using Whip-Its, and turning their brains into whipped cream. Two were cited for possession of a controlled substance.
• June 27: Some dude with no shirt on and carrying a radio was yelling at people on the 100 block of Pomeroy. All was okay when police arrived.
• June 27: Five people jumped the fence and got into the pool area at Shore Cliff.
• June 27:
A caller at Motel 6 reported possible drug activity in one of the rooms because there was a lot of foot traffic. Police didn’t locate anything.
• June 26: Two reports came in concerning a fat man at Thousand Hills Ranch was crawling out of the bushes in his underwear. The incident was turned over to fire and medics.
• June 26: A caller reported a duck and ducklings were in the surf. She was concerned that they wouldn’t make it back to shore. Pacific Wildlife Care was called to the rescue.
• June 26: A caller reported a note found in a room at Sandcastle Inn that said, “Please help, call 9-1-1.” It turned out that the daughter of a family staying in the room left it as a joke, and everyone had a big laugh —NOT!
• June 26: A man at California Fresh stuffed a bottle of, presumably, hooch down his pants and made a beeline for the back of the store, ran out a door and hopped a fence. Police nabbed him for being drunk in public and also found prepackaged tamales under his shirt.
• June 26: Some guy got off the bus at the Outlet Center and sat on a bench for an hour. The caller thought he had passed out from drinking. He was hauled in for being three sheets to the wind.
• June 25: A transient woman was reportedly going through trashcans at Quality Inn. She refused to leave until police arrived and advised her against trespassing.
• June 25: A group of people “playing” was reported on the first block of Bluff Drive. Police discovered a few open containers and a few people moved on out of there.
• June 24: A transient at California Fresh was asking customers for money and refusing to leave. He changed his tune when police advised him against trespassing.
San Luis Obispo
• June 26: Police responded to the 4500 block of Spanish Oaks where a subcontractor on a job was having a bit of a dispute with a contractor naturally over some unfinished work, according to logs.
• June 26: Police got a call at 6:49 a.m. from LOVR and Descanso where a man said his wife had nagged at him that the traffic light was out.
• June 26: A citizen in the 1900 block of Santa Barbara said his car was burglarized but not to worry about it.
• June 26: Someone called at 6:41 a.m. and said a transient man was parked in the stairwell of the Palm Street parking garage on the Morro Street side. Officers spoke to the trip hazard.
• June 26: Someone reported a grassfire behind the Courtyard by Marriott on Calle Joaquin at 1:48 a.m.
• June 26: A citizen in the 1300 block of Diablo called at 12:46 a.m. to report hearing 15 gunshots. Police were unable to locate the shootist.
• June 26: police were called at 12:30 a.m. in the 700 block of Higuera for a report of some tadpole gettin’ froggy at the Frog & Peach Pub and challenging the caller to fight. His sails lost wind when police arrived.
• June 25: An apparent hotel clerk called at 11:50 p.m. from the 1600 block of Monterey at the Lamplighter Inn, to report a suspicious subject sitting across the street in a black truck was, “watching the hotel.” The 36-year-old apparent creep had a warrant, which led to a search that of course discovered suspected illegal drugs and paraphernalia. He was checked into the County B&B.
• June 25: Someone called at 11:30 p.m. from the 4500 block of Wavertree and said a man dressed in black with a backpack was looking at the neighbor’s motorcycle a tad too longingly.
• June 25: A citizen called at 10:16 p.m. from the 2000 block of Chorro to complain about a loud party that’s been going on for the past 5 hours!!! Police said there was no violation.
• June 25: Police were called at 10:12 p.m. to Orcutt and Johnson where someone reported an offensive driver in a white, psycho-killer van.
• June 25: Police were called at 9:06 p.m. to Taco Bell on Santa Rosa at Olive for some pendejo who refuses to leave. He was gone before police arrived to run him off.
• June 25: A citizen in the first block of Chuparrosa said his wallet was stolen out of his car and there’s no sign of forced entry.
• June 25: A citizen walking in the 500 block of Higuera past Fred and Betty’s Thrift Store told police a woman flew past in a silver BMW and it looked like she was talking on the phone, in this week’s example of why we need SWAT.
• June 25: A citizen in the 1300 block of Royal said transients were camping on the sidewalk behind his or her apartment. One hobo had a warrant and camped in the Parkinson Plaza.
• June 25: A citizen in the first block of Benton called at 6:23 p.m. to report hearing a woman screaming from the direction of Foothill Boulevard.
• June 25: Police were called at 5:20 p.m. from Broad and South regarding some dingus standing in the street screaming at passing cars. The speed bump was cited.
• June 25: Police responded at 5:05 p.m. to the 1200 block of Archer for some transient mutt who was passed out in the courtyard at the Smiling Dog Yoga.
• June 25: Police responded wiki-wiki to the Creeky Tiki in the 700 block of Higuera where a family said some apparent perv had touched their daughter. In related incident, a woman at Sephora in the 1000 block of Court said some creepy man grabbed her young daughter by the hair, and they’re both upset and apparently cowering in the store. Logs indicated police arrested the suspected masher, 42, for suspicion of battery, and assault. He also turned out to be a convicted sex offender.
• June 25: Police responded to Costco where some harasstard violated a restraining order by text messaging.
• June 25: Police were called at 3:46 p.m. to Carl’s Jr., on Santa Rosa for a report of a man sitting outside the front door with no pants on.
• June 25: Police were called at 3:50 p.m. to the 1000 block of Higuera where some crazy man was screaming and yelling, launching F-bombs and scaring the straights. That Blitzkrieg was apparently over before police arrived. Some 40 minutes earlier, perhaps the same man (there can’t be more than one maniac at a time, can there?) was screaming and running fast through Mission Plaza.
According to logs, the subject was “counseled on his behavior,” which may not have been entirely effective. Even earlier, at 2:35 in the 1000 block of Railroad at Café Roma, a man was reportedly screaming at people to “F*ck off!” and scared a child. That raving lunatic escaped that time too.
And at 2:15 p.m. at Santa Barbara and Roundhouse no doubt the same man was reportedly going in and out of traffic and yelling but he took off that time too.
And in what was perhaps the start of this little spree of chaos occurred at 2 p.m. in Meadow Park, where a transient was harassing a family cursing and yelling and throwing things at them.
• June 25: An apparently jilted citizen in the 11200 block of LOVR reported his ex was driving and she doesn’t have a driver’s license, which might be the 53rd way to the leave your lover.
• June 25: Police responded to Hawthorne School in the 2100 block of Story where some drunken man reportedly threw a presumably empty booze bottle at the wall and shattered it.
• June 25: A man said they were starting a new job for the City in the 900 block of Palm and would police set up extra night patrols because ya know, there’re a lot of thieves hanging around City Hall.
• June 25: Someone called at 11:05 a.m. from LOVR and Madonna and wanted police to stop traffic because a mama duck and baby ducklings were crossing the street. They were gone when officers arrived 15 minutes later.
• June 25: Someone reportedly found an Aleutian Juice surfboard in the bushes at Emerson Park and police are hangin’ ten now.