Police Blotter

June 27 – July 12

Arroyo Grande

• July 11: Four males on the 1500 block of East Grand Avenue were cited and released for “illegal lodging on a public sidewalk,” which, let’s face it, is affordable housing on the Central Coast.

• July 10: Some hammered guy on the 400 block of Traffic Way was hauled to the slammer after he was found passed out on the sidewalk.

• July 10: Items were stolen from an unlocked car on Strawberry. Lock those doors people.

• July 9: A woman on the 500 block of Bakeman was cited and released on a signed promise to appear after she was found prowling, provided false information and was in possession of drugs and paraphernalia.

• July 6: A guy who tried to make a getaway with a free laptop from Office Max was arrested.

Morro Bay

• July 8: Some apparent graffidiot vandalized Del Mar Elementary School. Police have no clue as to who.

• July 7: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 7:07 p.m. in the 900 block of Morro Bay Blvd. Logs indicated the driver, 40, was arrested on suspicion of driving while high on unnamed illegal drugs. The passenger, 37, hit the jackpot and was busted for suspicion of being high, apparently on the Xanax, Methamphetamine and heroin he was allegedly carrying. Both all stars were checked into the County sober living facility.

• July 7: Meanwhile, as the fan-spastic duo above was being busted, police were also at Pacific and Napa towing away a 1984 Ford Ranger for expired tags, as the DMV beastie simply must be fed.

• July 7: Police and paramedics responded at 6:28 p.m. to the 700 block of Harbor, where some poor guy fell out of his wheelchair and hit his head on a parked car.

• July 7: Police contacted an apparently suspicious fellow, 36, in the 900 block of MBB at 3:30 p.m. Logs indicated he was arrested for resisting arrest, with possession of drug paraphernalia thrown in to help make it stick.

• July 7: Police hit the sirens at 12:23 a.m. stopping a suspicious vehicle in the 900 block of Main. The naughty boy, 36, was arrested for suspicion of driving on a suspended license.

• July 6: Someone stole a bicycle and a bag in the 1000 block of Napa. Police have no clues.

• July 5: Police contacted a suspicious man, 36, at 5:30 p.m. at Beachcomber and Luzon, who had a warrant out of Los Angeles County. He was cited and released to no doubt finish his vacation on the lam.

• July 5: Some fiend stole mail out of a box in the 1100 block of Market.

• July 5: Police documented getting a firearm shipped to them from the Del Rio, Texas Police Department.

• July 4: Police responded to a disturbance at 7:30 p.m. in the 300 block of Atascadero Rd., where someone was tossing a bang on the 4th of July. The 60-year old fiery cracker was tossed to the nick for going on the razzle.

• July 5: Police stopped a real Einstein at 7 p.m. in the rock parking lot for suspicion of reckless driving and of course the dingus’ driver’s license was suspended. He was cited and the vehicle towed away, for as Confucius never said, “If man have no license, best to not drive like idiot.

• July 3: Police responded at 3:48 p.m. to a domestic disturbance in the 2000 block of Juniper. Logs indicate they sent a report for alleged domestic violence to the District Attorney’s Office for possible prosecution. In an unrelated incident of wanton violence, they responded to Lila Keiser Park at 1:15 p.m. for a reported battery. That too was sent off to the D.A. They also investigated a reported case of suspected child abuse on Juniper Avenue. Detectives will follow up on that matter.

• July 2: Police stopped a vehicle at 8:55 p.m. at Allesandro and La Loma for “a lighting violation,” and of course the guy’s license was suspended, a case of driving a headlight or two shy of illumination.

• July 1: Police arrested a 49-year-old apparent moll at 1:27 p.m. at Beachcomber and Rennel who had a SLO County warrant. They arrested a 43-year-old apparently popular fellow at 9:36 p.m. in the 400 block of Nassau, who had three outstanding felony warrants.

• June 30: Police responded at 9:07 p.m. to Main and Marina for a vehicle vs. pedestrian traffic collision, along the Main Street Speedway. Then at 9:25 a.m. there was a single car accident at Hwy 1 and San Jacinto, clear across town.

• June 30: Police contacted a suspicious subject at 5:24 p.m. in the 300 block of Quintana Pl. Logs indicated the Zig-zagged fellow was allegedly in possession of meth and high as the stacks too.

• June 30: Police stopped a suspicious car out at the suspect time of 1:10 a.m. in the 700 block of Harbor. The lady driver, 38, was nicked for suspicion of driving stoned with a suspended license.

• June 29: A citizen in the 300 block of Sequoia reported credit card fraud. Logs indicated they located the scoundrel scammer in Anaheim.

• June 29: Police took a grand theft report in the 500 block of Embarcadero where two bikes were stolen, and no doubt whisked off to Never-Never-Find-Them-Land.

• June 28: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 6:39 p.m. in the 1200 block of Embarcadero. According to logs, the driver was arrested “for driving under the influence of an alcoholic beverage” or two or four…Ok, six! Ironically, at 12:31 p.m. police were at the same waterfront eatery for a trip-fall and say “Owww!” accident report.

• June 27: Police contacted a woman, 37, on Coleman Drive who had a FTA bench warrant. She was cited and released with a promise to appear, something she had trouble with the first time.

• June 26: Someone stole from a motel room in the 200 block of MBB, as tourist season hits full stride.

• June 26: Someone reported a disturbing argument at 1:30 p.m. at the community center, 1001 Kennedy Way, no word on what the ado was all about.

• June 26: Police responded to a care facility in the 1400 block of Teresa Dr., after some sucker, sucked gasoline out of a car, which totally sucks.

• June 25: Police responded at 1:37 p.m. to the 900 block of Pacific where according to logs, “Two unattended juveniles ingested marijuana edibles,” a case of “Hey, yer kid ate the stash!!!” A report was filed with the D.A., presumably against whosever dope it was.

• June 25: Police responded at 12:11 a.m. to a disturbance in the 300 block of Trinidad. Logs indicated the arrested a 29-year-old bent woman for suspicion of domestic battery and being fit-shaced in public. The battleaxe was hauled to the nick for the night.

Pismo Beach

• July 12: A person went into the station to report that a check issued to a former employee for $44.73 was cashed for $2,000, no doubt why it’s a former employee.

• July 12: Loud and live drum music was reported on James Way. The rock star said he or she would close the windows and doors but the show apparently must go on.

• July 12: A man at Sun Buggie Rentals reported that his sunglasses had cut his forehead. He said that he was going to get treatment.

• July 12: A female passed a counterfeit $100 bill at 7-Eleven. Police were unable to locate the woman, who no doubt left a trail of Slurppees and hotdogs.

• July 12: A woman on the 200 block of Castaic reported that her neighbor tried to hit her with her car as she walked past the vehicle.

• July 12: Some health conscious thief stole Kombucha, cherries and sushi from California Fresh.

• July 11: A caller wanted to inform police that he would no longer be married to his wife and wants to dissolve the marriage. He also said that her family was harassing him. Then he said that he had gone to the doctor and the doctor had lied to him and said that he was someone else. When police got involved, everything checked out okay.

• July 11: Some dude stole hooch from California Fresh but denied it when confronted. Police caught up with him at the Outlet Center and located the merchandise. He was cited and released for shoplifting, trespassing and open container. Not too far away at Rite Aide, another model citizen was accused of shoplifting and his female companion was cited for having weed in her car.

• July 11: Officers had to calm down and 11-year-old hellion on the 2000 block of Costa del Sol. The little jewel was having a “tantrum” and damaged her mother’s and grandmother’s property.

• July 10: A woman inside a “unit” at Pismo Creekside RV was reportedly yelling, “Everything was stolen!”

• July 10: A water leak in the ceiling at Leggs, Hane’s, Bali and Platex caused the alarm to go off.

• July 10: A local caller who was visiting in Europe reported receiving threatening calls from a woman he met online. He said that she was accusing him of being an Internet stalker after he terminated their relationship after the first call.

• July 10: A caller on the 200 block of Castaic reported ongoing issues with a neighbor turning around in his driveway. Upon calling the neighbor, police confirmed that he did pull into the other driveway so he could back into his own driveway. He said that the caller started yelling profanities at him and tried to grab him out of the car. Maybe they should go together see the new movie about Mr. Rogers — “Won’t You Be My Neighbor.”

• July 10: A Chihuahua on the loose outside McDonalds made its way across a busy street to the California Fresh parking lot. The little beast was captured and returned to its humans.

• July 10: A family feud broke out on the 300 block of North 7th. A man said that his adult son had hit him in the face. All involved had been drinking.

San Luis Obispo

• July 13: Three alarms sounded at 6:49 a.m. in the 3500 block of Sueldo at JW Design & Construction. The call was canceled as it was apparently a design flaw or mechanical failure and needs a contractor.

• July 13: A citizen in the 1500 block of Osos called police at 5:49 a.m. and said two women neighbors had run to his or her apartment saying there was an intruder in their apartment. The intruder entered through an open window and attacked them at knife point but they beat his ass and the freak ran away. He was last seen heading towards the railroad station wearing just socks and a shirt, his shortcomings no doubt flailing about as he went. It was the second intrusion/sexual assault in a week committed, police suspect, by the same man.

• July 13: And in another creepy call, at 4:54 a.m. a citizen in the 1100 block of Ironbark said a group of four or five people behind his or her apartment had flashlights and were peering into windows.

• July 13: Police were called at 2:27 a.m. to a reported grab and go at 7-Eleven in the 500 block of California. The thief stole ice cream and drinks and fled in a car, no doubt a case of munchies madness.

• July 13: Police were called at 12:42 a.m. to a disturbance in the 1000 block of Chorro where some plastered, screaming, wing nut ran across the tops of employees cars at Wing Stop and yelled at the door man. At virtually the same time in the 800 block of Higuera several men were holding down another dude who was screaming outside Habit Burger. Logs indicated that train wreck, 32, was arrested for suspicion of battery, a warrant, parole violation, and being mangled on drugs.

• July 12: Police were called at 11:55 p.m. to a disturbance in the first block of Rafael. Logs indicated someone was loudly belting out show tunes. Police determined Frank Stinks-inatra wasn’t too loud.

• July 12: Police were called to a disturbance at 11:30 p.m. in the 700 block of Higuera, where some apparently spanked woman, 38, was arrested for resisting arrest.

• July 12: Police were alerted at 10:41 a.m. to a suspicious, skinny fellow at Jack in the Box who had five iPhones spread out on a table.

• July 12: Police were called at 10:26 p.m. to the 1500 block of Calle Joaquin where a Prius was parked outside the Hampton Inn with fogged windows, no doubt a case of too cheap to get a room but hey, he’s eco-conscious.

• July 12: Some woman called police at 8:08 p.m. on Hwy 101 at the Osos Street off ramp reported a dog in the back of a truck that’s not tied down and she’s afraid it will fall out. Meanwhile, at 8:13, someone in the 1100 block of Marsh reported a woman who’s fallen dead drunk on the sidewalk, as she too apparently had no restraints.

• July 12: Police got a 9-1-1 call at 7:30 p.m. from someone at Starbucks in the 800 block of Higuera complaining about a woman at Farmer’s Market carrying around a snake. She’d apparently slithered away, as police couldn’t find her, no word on how hard they looked, though.

• July 12: Police were called at 6:15 p.m. to the 1300 block of Madonna where a man with a knife was in a standoff with an employee at Burger King, no doubt because he didn’t get it his way. The berserker was apparently gone when they arrived.

• July 12: An abandoned, silver, Airstream trailer isn’t safe for long at the Mighty Safe Mini Storage in the 2900 block of McMillan. Police tagged it for towing.

• July 12: Police responded to the 800 block of Marsh after someone dined-and-dashed at California Pizza Kitchen.

• July 12: Police were called at 2:24 p.m. to the first block of Prado where some turd was trespassing at the sewage treatment plant.

• July 12: Police were called to The Tribune Office in the 3800 block of Higuera where a woman wanted to report getting terrorist threats, didn’t see that one on Page 1…

• July 12: Police responded at 1 p.m. to Food 4 Less on Higuera for an assault. Logs indicated the victim got knocked out, and the ruffian who did it, fled the scene.

• July 12: Police responded to a disturbance at 11:49 a.m. in the 200 block of Santa Rosa at the Conserve Fuel Store. Some apparently irritating fellow was told to get the hell out, got upset and threw a 42-ounce soda at the clerk, which he no doubt hadn’t paid for, as police filed a petty theft report when they got there.

• July 12: At 11:16 a.m. an officer Downtown was flagged down by a lost tourist who needed help finding her vehicle.

• July 12: Police responded at 9:47 a.m. to the 600 block of Marsh for a report of some disorderly drunk acting a fooligan at Wells Fargo Bank.

• July 12: Someone called at 8:22 a.m. from Higuera and Carmel to complain about some woman pushing a shopping cart and screaming profanities. She was last seen heading up Higuera, in this week’s example of why we need SWAT.

• July 12: A guy in the 900 block of Bluebell told police that someone rifled through his car and broke into his neighbor’s car too.

• July 12: Police were called at 7:18 a.m. to a home in the 2500 block of Greta for a spooky report. The caller said he or she woke up and there was a strange man in the bed with them. The unwelcomed fellow, 23, was arrested for suspicion of trespassing.

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