Police Blotter

May 30 – June 15

Arroyo Grande

• June 15: A cluster of mailboxes was stolen on Spruce Street.

• June 15: In another episode of people will steal anything, someone made a pack of magic cards disappear from a car on Courtland.

• June 12: A man on Juniper was arrested for overnight camping, being in possession of drug paraphernalia and of course a misdemeanor warrant.

Morro Bay

• June 10: A man called police from a care facility on Teresa Drive to report that money was taken out of his parents’ bank account, and it apparently wasn’t him.

• June 10: Police contacted a familiar fellow in the 400 block of Quintana and the scofflaw, 26, was arrested on a bench warrant, and alleged possession of suspected drug paraphernalia, for as Confucius never said, man with paper over his head, best to keep hookah out of pocket.

• June 10: Police contacted an apparent unhappy camper in Morro Bay State Park. The Bakersfieldian, 58, had a warrant and was cited and released to go forth and sin no more.

• June 9: Police responded at 3:40 p.m. to a disturbing fellow in the 1600 block of Main. The devotee of Bacchus the God of drink, 68, also had a warrant and went to the hoosegow, which is not a case of religious persecution. A half-hour prior, police contacted a regular customer, 55, in the 300 block of Morro Bay Blvd., who had a warrant but she surprisingly wasn’t on a toot. They wrote her a future bench warrant and let her go.

• June 9: Police responded at noon to a disturbance in Lila Keiser Park. A poor homeless fellow, 40, was allegedly camping where they can’t collect a bed tax and of course he had paraphernalia on him. He was cited and released to go find a better hiding place.

• June 8: Police responded at 11:11 p.m. to Luisita and Bradley where someone apparently parked a car blocking the street. The car was towed but a DUI was no doubt avoided.

• June 8: Police stopped a suspicious car at 10:44 a.m. at Lila Keiser Park. The driver, 38, was arrested on suspicion of driving stoned, possessing heroin and paraphernalia. He was injected into the County Jail, where oddly, heroin can still be had. The arrest apparently didn’t stick for long, as police contacted the same fellow at 4:30 a.m. June 9 at Yerba Buena and Tide. The all star was allegedly still high on drugs and once again crashed in the hoosegow, should have asked for the 2-night special.

• June 7: Police contacted a woman, 34, at 8:33 p.m. in the 2800 block of Birch and arrested her for a probation-drug case violation, plus a new UTI charge, as apparently they caught her at a bad time.

• June 7: A woman in the 500 block of Estero said some scrounger got into her unlocked car overnight and ripped her off.

• June 7: Someone found an undisclosed amount of cash in the 600 block of Elena and actually gave it to the police.

• June 6: The Harbor Patrol asked for police help in impounding an abandoned boat, as someone apparently forgot to Bust Out Another Thousand.

• June 5: Police responded at 9 a.m. to a domestic dustup on Atascadero Road. A 67-year-old ruffian was arrested for suspicion of domestic violence.

• June 5: Police towed off two boats on trailers from the area of Sequoia and Main. According to logs, one was associated with a crime report filed earlier this year.

• June 4: Someone illegally dumped their crap in the 3100 block of Main. Police took a report.

• June 4: Police pulled a report number to document that they received a report of suspected child abuse somewhere in town, but logs said they deemed it “unfounded,” which doesn’t mean the kid deserved it.

• June 3: At 11:24 a.m., according to logs, an apparently irate citizen came to the police station and “demanded a case number regarding ‘Gang Stalking’ by the MBPD officers and extortion by Chuck’s Towing. The incident got a case number but was deemed “Unfounded” by police, as the fox continues to guard the henhouse.

• June 3: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 8:30 a.m. at Nassau and Main. The woman driver, 31, was arrested on suspicion of driving on drugs or maybe she’s drunk or possibly both, though she allegedly also had a crack pipe and of course violated probation. Earlier, at 12:54 a.m. they nabbed another allegedly pie-eyed señorita, 27, driving in the 2800 block of Cedar.

• June 2: Police documented an uncivil dispute in the 900 block of Allesandro. Someone apparently didn’t take kindly to his or her car getting repossessed.

• June 2: At 10:30 a.m. police contacted a man and woman living outdoors at Lila Keiser Park. The man, 47, got cited and released for suspicion of illegally sleeping outdoors. The woman, 43, had a warrant and was checked into the County B&B.

• June 1: A woman in the 600 block of Sequoia told police she sent her nephew a check for his birthday but some scalawag stole it out of the mail, washed the name off and cashed it.

• May 31: Two people got into a fight at an old folks home in the 1400 block of Teresa Dr., a case of you’re never too old to rock ‘n’ roll.

• May 31: Police responded at 2:49 p.m. to a reported elder abuse in the 700 block of Cabrillo. They arrested a woman on suspicion of drug charges, being a felon in possession of a firearm, probation violation, and a no-bail felony warrant. The desperada was checked into the new, 3-star Women’s Jail.

• May 31: A citizen on Vashon said some fraud got a credit card issued in his or her name.

• May 30: Police responded to a disturbance at 5:12 p.m. in the 2600 block of Main. They arrested a 48-year-old woman for suspicion of inflicting willful cruelty on a child and Mommy Dearest was also on probation. In an unrelated domestic dispute, at 4:08 p.m. in the 300 block of Rennel, they arrested a 47-year-old louse for alleged abuse of his spouse.

• Police declared war on scofflaw cars, as they towed a vehicle off Avalon for expired registration (April 2018), a trailer from the 400 block of Atascadero Rd., for parking too long in one spot; another car from Lila Keiser Park with tags that died May 2017; and another vehicle from the launch ramp (100 block of Embarcadero), due to tags expired more than 6 months, as the DMV beast simply must be fed.

Pismo Beach

• June 12: Roofers on Dolliver were told to shut it down after callers reported that they started working at 6 a.m. when the rule is 7 a.m.

• June 12: Police were unable to locate a man at Old West Cinnamon Rolls who reportedly had a gun tucked into the waistband of his shorts, another “Yay summer!” moment.

• June 12: Two juvenile girls were busted for stealing at Esteem, but the business decided not to prosecute, which had to have boosted the little thieves’ esteem.

• June 12: A driver on Highway 101 got pulled over because it appeared he or she was drinking beer. It was root beer.

• June 11: Someone slumped over a trashcan at the Five Cities Shell station was presumed to have been drinking. As it turns out, they were tired and had really bad taste in lounging areas.

• June 11: A man on Atlantic City was reportedly yelling at himself for about an hour. He then wandered into Grover territory.

• June 11: A man on the 200 block of Palomar approached a residence and said was checking out the stuff in their garage. Police couldn’t locate the larcenous lookie-loo.

• June 11: Four pinheads left Pismo Bowl without paying a $24 tab.

• June 11: Some die-hard was sleeping outside of Harry’s Bar when it was closed.

• June 11: Some really chill guy reported his car was towed, but he didn’t want to make a report because he was too tired. He said that he would call in the morning.

• June 10: A man and woman on the 800 block of 4th Street were in an argument in a room that the man had registered for himself. The woman refused to leave until police arrived.

• June 10: A caller reported his 21-year-old cousin was drunk and he didn’t want her to get arrested. Odd that he called the cops. She was gone before police arrived.

• June 10: Two people in a van were reportedly acting suspiciously. They were parked six spaces from an ATM, were wearing black hoodies, and had been wearing masks.

• June 9: A 10-foot great white shark was spotted 50-yards from shore. Two hours later, two more were reportedly spotted.

• June 9: A caller on the beach reported finding human bones. It all checked out fine.

• June 9: A caller on the 300 block of San Luis reported a man and a woman in a car had passed a baggie of white stuff to someone in another car. One was cited and released for alleged possession of meth.

• June 8: Someone stole a case of wine from California Fresh and was caught on video, but police couldn’t locate them. Meanwhile, a pink blanket was stolen from Saltwater Taffy. Then over at the Sunglass Hut someone purchased two pairs of sunglasses but left with three. Then he brought one pair back.

• June 8: A man on the 2500 block of Spyglass left a back yard carrying several bags. Everything checked out okay.

San Luis Obispo

• June 15: Police were called at 6:45 a.m. to the 100 block of Kentucky where some citizen complained about construction noise. No report, as working for a living isn’t yet against the law.

• June 15: A citizen called at 5:12 a.m. from the 2100 block of Broad to complain about some hot tamale throwing things at Chili Peppers. At 4:03, another tortured citizen in the 400 block of High said someone was banging on their back door. A 23-year-old schmammered fellow was nicked for being deep in his cups.

• June 15: At 2:50 a.m. some Honest Abe reported a person suffering from alcohol poisoning in the 200 block of Lincoln.

• June 15: At 2:36 a.m. someone reported a suspicious man in Meadow Park. Police arrested an outdoorsman, 41, for parole and probation violations and of course resisting arrest.

• June 15: Police were called at 1:45 a.m. to the Madonna Inn because security caught five girls in the pool and they aren’t guests, in this week’s example of why we need SWAT.

• June 15: Police were called at 12:53 a.m. to the 1100 block of Morro because there was some highly intoxicated nude transient man wandering around the Granada Hotel, apparently displaying his shortcomings for all to see.

• June 15: Police were called at 12:32 a.m. to the 800 block of Marsh where some fellow was going postal because two people were sleeping inside the Post Office. One of the squatters, 50, had a warrant and she was checked into the Parkinson Plaza.

• June 14: At 10:43 p.m. some pesky, transient man was “waving his arms and harassing a transit worker” at J.B. Dewar’s on Prado Road fueling station.

• June 14: Police got a call at 10:20 p.m. from the 2000 block of Monterey where a drunken woman at the Peach Tree Inn reported that a man in her room was yelling and has apparently worn out his welcome.

• June 14: Police were called at 10 p.m. to the 1100 block of Nipomo where a citizen was standing by with a passed out fellow outside the office of Abraham Ashley, CPA.

• June 14: Police got a noise complaint of a too loud live band at 9:50 p.m. at a brewery in the 900 block of Orcutt, which might be expected at a place called, Bang the Drum.

• June 14: At 9:07 p.m. police contacted a suspicious fellow sneaking around the 12100 block of LOVR at Coast Nissan. Logs indicated he was arrested for suspicion of having drugs and of course, parole violation.

• June 14: Police responded at 10:34 p.m. to the 700 block of Foothill for a report of a woman in the bathroom at Panda Express screaming incoherently for the past 5 minutes.

• June 14: Police were called at 7:19 p.m. to the 200 block of South where someone said a sinner was drinking hooch and raising hell sitting outside the Church of Christ, and for Christ’s sake run him off.

• June 14: At 6:30 p.m. a citizen in the 800 block of Pismo said he or she had helped a transient fellow charge his cell phone and like feeding a stray he’s sitting in their front yard, 3 hours later, and won’t leave.

• June 14: A citizen called at 6 p.m. to report three suspicious men sitting in a green van at Laguna Lake Park who might be smoking the evil weed. They’d wafted away before officers arrived.

• June 14: A citizen called at 5 p.m. from the first block of Broad who said some lazy bum was sleeping in the exercise room at The Village Apartments and refusing to leave. A gun and a badge got him moving.

• June 14: Police were asked for extra patrols at night to discourage transients from sleeping at the City Corp Yard on Prado, as no doubt only City employees get to sleep there.

• June 14: Police tagged a silver, Dodge Ram truck hitched to a trailered 22-foot fishing boat apparently abandoned in the 3200 block of Flora, is that technically a shipwreck?

• June 14: A clerk in the 800 block of Monterey at Junk Girls thought she’d been slipped a funny $50 bill but logs indicated it wasn’t fake, just looks fake, like all the new bills do.

• June 14: At 2 p.m. someone reported a suspicious man walking around Meadow Park holding a knife, and no doubt cutting a scary figure, too.

• June 14: Police responded to the 12200 block of LOVR where someone at Perry Ford said a customer falsified a credit application to buy a car, they delivered it, and now he or she is in the wind, as for once a car dealer got ripped off.

• June 14: A citizen called at 12:43 p.m. from Pacific and Carmel and said someone in her car won’t get the hell out, but of course they were gone when police arrived.

• June 14: Police were called at 11:46 a.m. to the 1100 block of Murray where someone said there was a strange man, who doesn’t live there, doing his laundry at the Sierras Apartment laundry room, a hanging offense in San Loco.

• June 14: An apparently impatient man called police at 11:44 a.m. from Higuera and South and complained about an old lady driving a white sedan who’s been stopped at the light through two cycles.

• June 14: Someone complained at 9:12 a.m. in the 200 block of Madonna about some mutt hanging around behind Petco. In an unrelated call 15 minutes earlier, someone across the street on Madonna reported a suspicious man with his shirt on inside out was loitering outside Denny’s. And at 8:54 a.m. someone at Broad and Santa Barbara reported a guy screaming his fool head off and picking fights who apparently needs an attitude adjustment.

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