• May 6: Some three-time loser got pulled over for a traffic stop on Ash Street and he or she didn’t have a driver’s license, had an open container and a shotgun was found in the car after a search.
• May 5: Someone had mail stolen from a PO box at the post office. A check was in one of the envelopes. It was altered and cashed.
• May 1: A juvenile took off after getting into an argument with her mother. She later returned, no doubt close to dinnertime.
• May 1: Car windows were broken at the Hampton Inn and items were stolen.
• April 30: Someone got confused and thought Food 4 Less meant food for free and was busted for shoplifting.
• April 30: Some wasted Big Mac passed out in a car at McDonald’s was found to be under the influence of a controlled substance and in possession of drug paraphernalia. Too much special sauce will do that to ya.
April 29: The third time is not a charm. Someone with two outstanding warrants was arrested for shoplifting at Walmart.
April 29: Three strikes. A parolee on the 300 block of Woodland was busted for possession of stolen goods and burglary tools.
• April 29: Police responded at 5 a.m. to a disturbance in the 300 block of Sequoia. Logs indicated a 38-year-old bent fellow was checked into the County B&B to sleep it off. Then at 6:35 p.m. police returned to Sequoia, where a citizen handed over a cell phone that “a subject” left after using the toilet, an apparent case of nature called then so did the police.
• April 29: A citizen in the 1200 block of Embarcadero reported a case of larceny from a vehicle. No word on what treasure was stolen or which wharf rat is responsible.
• April 29: Police contacted a local fellow at 10:24 a.m. in the 400 block of Orcas. He was nicked for suspicion of tampering with a vehicle and being high on drugs, and booked into the County re-education center.
• April 29: At 5:09 a.m. police documented a single vehicle crash at South Bay and State Park Road.
• April 29: Police responded at 12:34 a.m. to the 400 block of Monterey where a mother and father reported their 7-year-old kid had escaped them.
• April 27: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 7:23 p.m. in the 1400 block of Main. Logs indicated the driver, 40, was arrested for suspicion of driving while loaded on drugs, possession of drugs and having false registration tags on his car, a hanging offense in California. His lady passenger, 40, was arrested for suspicion of possessing meth and paraphernalia.
• April 27: Police responded at 4:18 p.m. to Main and Sequoia for a child welfare check. Logs indicated a woman, 41, was arrested for two counts of suspicion of willful harm and injury to a child. Mommy Dearest was taken to County Jail.
• April 27: A woman at the police station reported fraudulent use of her credit card and getting several letters of other credit cards opened or applied for in her name. Police documented the matter.
• April 27: A citizen in the 900 block of Allesandro reported a vandalism. Police don’t have a clue who.
• April 27: Police contacted a young fellow, 20, at 12:30 p.m. at the Community Center and arrested him for suspicion of being high as the stacks on drugs.
• April 26: Police responded at 5 p.m. to the Visitor’s Center at Harbor and Piney Way where some apparent music critic was causing a disturbance at The Rock community radio station.
• April 26: Police contacted a woman, 47, at 11:40 a.m. in the 300 block of Embarcadero who they confirmed had an active warrant, yet she was cited and released with her solemn promise to appear, just like the last time.
• April 23: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 10 p.m. down at Morro Rock. A check revealed he had a warrant out of Orange County, as yet another desperado hits the end of the road in Morro Bay.
• April 23: It was apparently a tough day at Bayside Care facility in the 1400 block of Teresa. At 4:37 a.m. police documented the death of a resident discovered by nursing staff. The coroner was called in. Then at 3:40 p.m., officers returned for a report of an alleged assault on a dependent adult by another dependent adult.
• April 22: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 2:43 p.m. on Hwy 1 at San Jacinto. The woman driver, 44, was booked for suspicion of DUI on drugs, and being high on drugs, which naturally follows.
• April 22: Some scoundrel slashed the tires on a truck in the 2900 block of Dogwood.
• April 22: Police responded at 9:21 a.m. to a disturbance in the 500 block of Atascadero Rd. Logs indicated a 46-year-old transient man was cited and released for sleeping outdoors.
• April 21: Police responded to a disturbance at 10 p.m. at Sequoia and Greenwood where they arrested a 41-year-old rabble-rouser for suspicion of being on a toot.
• April 21: Police responded to the 800 block of Main where a woman said she left her laptop on the sidewalk while she ran back into a business to “retrieve an item,” and when she came back, it had been deleted.
• April 21: A woman in the 600 block of Shasta told police that an unidentified man accessed a “money sending app” using her log-in information and “sent himself $300 from her bank account,” as the dangers of the Internet get laid bare once again.
• April 21: Police responded at 10 a.m. to the 200 block of Dunes to document a man who had fallen and landed in a potential lawsuit.
• April 21: Police responded at 1:40 a.m. to South Bay and Quintana for a single car crash. Logs indicated a 24-year-old man drove off the road and crashed, no doubt because he was allegedly schwasted.
• April 20: Some sneak thief stole cash and credit cards out of an unlocked vehicle in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd.
• April 20: Police converged at 9 a.m. in the 2800 block of Birch to serve warrants. Logs indicated they arrested a man for suspicion of possession of heroin, meth and paraphernalia, oh yeah and for two warrants. A woman who was there also had a warrant and they shared a black and white cab to County lockup.
• April 20: Someone found a 12-gauge shotgun and turned it in to police.
• April 20: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 4 a.m. in the 900 block of Morro Bay Blvd. The passenger had a felony, no-cite warrant and went to the hoosegow, a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
• April 19: Police responded at 1:24 p.m. to the high school and took a report for a “habitual runaway juvenile,” the modern price for ditchin’ school.
• April 18: Police took a report of grand theft at Miner’s Hardware. The day before, someone stole the license plate and tags off a car in the 400 block of Quintana.
• April 17: Police responded at 4 a.m. to a domestic dispute in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd. Logs indicated a boyfriend and girlfriend were having a row and each accused the other of battery. The report will go to the D.A., as the fight was apparently a draw.
• April 16: Police responded at 1:47 p.m. to the 700 block of Quintana where they arrested a 40-year-old hombre for suspicion of grand theft.
• April 16: Police came across a vehicle at Main and Atascadero Road that was reported stolen.
April 30: Someone ran out of gas at the right spot but didn’t have any money to fill the tank at am/pm. The caller reported that they had been at the pump for close to four hours.
April 30: A man was passed out in a car on the 300 block of Five Cities Drive. There was an open can of beer in the cup holder. He was tossed in the hoosegow for being hammered.
April 30: Another scam is making the rounds. A woman received a call that a warrant would be issued for her arrest unless she returned a phone call. Remember folks, police officers don’t arrest people via the phone.
April 30: A caller reported an out of control woman on Hinds Avenue. The caller reported that she had physically attacked him.
April 30: A caller reported a transient at Starbucks was taking pictures of females with his cell phone. He was a parolee, so police searched his phone. No pictures were found from that day, but creepy had hundreds of photos of women from the waist down, but were not revealing. He was advised against trespassing rather than being arrested for waiting for a friend.
April 30: A customer at Yanagi’s dropped some marijuana before leaving the restaurant. As it turned out, he or she had given the weed to a friend celebrating her birthday. She had a medical card.
April 29: A case of brawling at the bus stop. A woman reportedly took a swing at a man but didn’t make contact. They told police it was only verbal.
April 29: A man reportedly hit a woman’s car with a shopping cart in the parking lot at California Fresh. The incident left a dent, but he refused to give his insurance information. He did give his phone number. When she called to get information, she said that he called her a drama queen and, again, refused to give information. He told police that she had taken off after the incident, and he had photos.
April 28: Medics were called after a man and a woman got into a fight at the Holiday RV Park. It turns out it was a verbal dispute between the two after drinking at Harry’s Bar. The woman somehow fell and injured her lip. She was too hammered to remember anything. Naturally, he said that he hadn’t hit her.
April 28: A caller on the 100 block of Windward reported that his ex-wife had come to the house to talk about relationship issues. He told her to talk to her attorney. She was advised against trespassing.
April 28: An officer escorted a jaywalking duck and 14 ducklings back to the water from Cypress Street.
April 28: Some dude driving down the road dropped a vacuum in front of 7-Eleven.
April 28: Two people were taking up lodging in the bathrooms at Mary Herrington Park and wouldn’t open the door. They were cited for overnight camping. The man was also cited for open container proving people will drink anywhere.
April 27: Police were unable to local a transient sitting on a motor scooter in the middle of the parking lot at Coastal Sugery Center.
San Luis Obispo
• May 2: Police were called at 6 a.m. to the March Street parking garage after someone discovered a transient man asleep inside a utility room on the top level. He was roused and sent packing. In a related matter, at 5:47 a.m. someone reported another outdoor resident asleep in the doorway to the SLO City Community Development Office in the 900 block of Palm. At 4 a.m. at the Chevron on Broad another transient man wanted police help but needed to borrow a phone and wouldn’t leave until he called the fuzz.
• May 2: Police were called at 1:25 a.m. to the 11600 block of LOVR after a woman said her soon-to-be ex-boyfriend was refusing to leave.
• May 2: A citizen called at 1:24 a.m. from the 1600 block of Huasna to complain about two suspicious men in dark hoodies were digging through the trash. The rag pickers were gone.
• May 2: A citizen called at 12:51 a.m. and said some nasty woman, naked from the waist down, just walked into the Marsh Street parking garage. The half-streaker, 37 was arrested for suspicion of mail theft and being under the influence of drugs, which explains a lot.
• May 1: Police responded at 11:30 p.m. to SLO Brew for a reported case of fraud/swindle/confidence game. A crime report was begun.
• May 1: Police were called at 11:10 p.m. to the 3200 block of Broad where some guy was yelling and acting loco at Taco Roco.
• May 1: Police were called at 10:17 p.m. to a reported attempted suicide in the 100 block of Santa Rosa. Logs indicated they arrested a 21-year-old apparent ruffian for suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon, so just who cut who?
• May 1: At 10 p.m. two loudmouth dinguses were reportedly screaming at each other at Broad and Monterey. They left before police arrived to shut them up.
• May 1: Police were called at 10 p.m. to the 100 block of Ferrini for a complaint of someone moving wood around a construction site, in this week’s example of why we need SWAT.
• May 1: At 9:22 p.m. a transient man at the Thai Boat in the 3200 block of Broad asked them to call the police, to which they no doubt said, “Already on it…”
• May 1: Police were called at 8:49 p.m. to the 2200 block of Exposition after some insistent man pounded on the door asking to use their bathroom, as apparently telling him to pi**-off didn’t work.
• May 1: The CHP told SLOPD at 7 p.m. about a loud party they responded to in the 200 block of Hathway, where 20 morons were up on the roof. When police arrived the moron count was down to six. In an unrelated call, at 7:04, at Foothill and Casa an elderly man fell and hurt himself.
• May 1: Police responded to City Hall at 6:35 p.m. to meet with someone who had his or her car stolen.
• May 1: At 6:08 p.m. police responded to Broad and Church for a report of some drugged out woman aggressively swinging a hammer apparently trying to nail somebody.
• May 1: Police were called at 5:16 p.m. to Santa Rosa and Boysen where some transient black man in a red shirt with a large — Ahem — build, was peeing in front of everyone. He’d apparently zipped and slipped before police could arrive to teach him some manners.
• May 1: Police were called to Home Depot at 5 p.m. where they arrested a 44-year-old sticky-fingered fellow for suspicion of burglary.
• May 1: A woman called at 4:46 p.m. from Oceanaire Street to report a suspicious subject. A man was slowly riding a bicycle down the street, a hanging offense here in San Loco. In an unrelated matter, in the area of Broad and Marsh, a woman was reportedly walking into the traffic.
• May 1: Police responded at 2:09 p.m. to the library at Palm and Osos where a man and woman were having a loud row, as apparently “Shhh!” didn’t work. The guy had a warrant and as Confucius never said, “Man with bench warrant best to keep big mouth shut.”
• May 1: At 12:42 p.m. someone was reportedly pitching cans at passing cars outside the Jamba Juice on Marsh. No damages reported as he apparently throws like a girl.
• May 1: Thieves were running rampant as the store dick at Rite Aid on Johnson caught a lady helping herself to the goods, a fellow at the Prado Homeless Daycare Center said he was defrauded by some other cretin, and a resident at the Carhill Condos in the 1200 block of Foothill had items stolen out of his or her car. And a bike was stolen out of the backyard of a home in the 1100 block of Montalban.
• May 1: At 11:33 a.m. police were called to the 100 block of South where some transient woman was “gesturing wildly” and appeared strung out at Wronas Quality Auto Repair.
• May 1: Police responded to the 400 block of Higuera for vandalism report. Some graffidiot wrote, “Trespassers are Welcome” on a bridge.
• May 1: Police responded at 10:05 a.m. to the 300 block of Marsh where some pest who keeps going in and out, threatening and pestering people at Fast Eddie’s Car Wash. In an unrelated matter, at Payless Shoes in the 400 block of Madonna another crazy devil was out back yelling about “satanic scorpions.”
• May 1: Police were called to Bev Mo where two transient men were out back searching through the bushes no doubt looking for a belt or two.
• May 1: Officials at Sinsheimer School reported an 121-year-old runaway that they’d lost eyesight of.
• May 1: Police responded at 8:10 a.m. to the 200 block of Madonna where some transient man was “Twaacked out” and “running around acting like a fool,” at Denny’s, no doubt some Moon over My Hammie in need of a Grand Slam.