Police Blotter

September 4 – September 22

Arroyo Grande

• Sept. 22: There was insufficient evidence to support a woman’s claim that her husband was coming from Nevada to shoot her and himself.

• Sept. 20: An arrest was made after some McNugget threatened someone at McDonald’s.

• Sept. 19: Two people in a car in the Park and Ride on El Camino were busted for narcotics and drug paraphernalia.

• Sept. 19:  Some guy tried to boost a car at 7-Eleven but got caught by the owner of the car.

• Sept. 19: A transient on the 200 block of Oak St. was arrested for unlawful lodging and probation violation. It would seem he used to lodge in a home with bars.

• Sept. 13: A student at Harloe Elementary wrote a threatening note.

Morro Bay

• Sept. 16: At 11:36 p.m. police responded to a disturbance in the 1000 block of Front St. Logs indicated a transient squatter was arrested for sleeping in public after he’d been warned three whole times.

• Sept. 16: At 7 a.m. in the 500 block of Whidbey Way, a 38-year-old dingus was arrested for resisting arrest.

• Sept. 16: Police responded at 2:23 a.m. to the 800 block of Main St., for a reported drunken brawl between two “friends.” Logs indicated one fooliot suffered facial injuries but didn’t want to press charges, for what’s a little assault and battery between friends.

• Sept. 15: At 5:49 p.m. there was a crash-n-dash at San Jacinto and Hwy 1.

• Sept. 15: Someone turned in a cell phone they found in the 700 block of Embarcadero, and someone else found a phone by the beach at the end of Atascadero Road, no doubt they needed an upgrade anyway.

• Sept. 14: At 11:30 p.m. police stopped a suspicious subject traipsing down the 200 block of Atascadero Rd. The scofflaw, 48, had a felony warrant and when searched they allegedly found his stash, so he was ridden off to the pokey. Earlier, another ne’er-do-well, 47, apparently turned himself in at the police station on a misdemeanor warrant.

• Sept. 12: At 8:47 p.m. police discovered two apparent wharf rats passed out in the patio of Dockside, Too in the 1200 block of Embarcadero. Both slackers were allegedly too drunk to care for themselves, hence no doubt the sleeping. One of them had an impressive eight bench warrants, but the Gobsmack of the night was when another Swagman walked up and police said he too was deep in his cups, so all three went to the hoosegow to sleep it off, for as Confucius never said, man with snoot full, best not to stick his nose in it.

• Sept. 12: Police got a report of suspected child abuse on Carmel Street and will investigate.

• Sept. 11: Police stopped a car at 11:54 a.m. at Atascadero Road and Ironwood for some no doubt trumped up code violation. The naughty driver had a suspended license and was cited and sentenced to death — of old age waiting in line at the DMV.

• Sept. 11: A citizen turned in a homeless bicycle they found at Lila Keiser Park, and someone else turned in a switchblade they’d found somewhere in town.

• Sept. 11: A problem child ran away from home in the 2000 block of Ironwood.

• Sept. 10: Police contacted a regular customer, 60, at 10:35 p.m. in the 200 block of Morro Bay Blvd., who had two warrants. He was written a third future warrant and let go.

• Sept. 10: Police responded to the 2400 block of Nutmeg where a woman said her apparent ex-(fill in the blank) entered her bedroom without permission and “reportedly removed (a-hem!) items on July 22, 2018.” She didn’t report it back then and is doing so now, “due to an upcoming custody court date.”

• Sept. 10: A woman told police about an apparent sex offense incident that occurred 14-years ago. She didn’t want any further investigations except to document her story.

• Sept. 10: Police stopped a vehicle at 3:37 p.m. in the 200 block of Atascadero Rd. Logs indicated the driver, 40, was arrested for a suspended license and suspicion of possession of suspected drug paraphernalia, his stash apparently already up in smoke.

• Sept. 10: Police contacted a pair of apparent transients — he age 36 and she 44 — at 2 p.m. in the 1200 block of Embarcadero. They were arrested allegedly for “trespassing on PG&E property.”

• Sept. 10: Police responded to the City Yard on Atascadero Road where some scalawag got into an unlocked City maintenance truck and stole a bunch of tools. In other larcenous acts, a citizen on Yerba Buena had his or her identity stolen and we now have no idea who they are, and a vehicle license plate was stolen in the 400 block of Quintana and is no doubt crusin’ around Fresno right about now.

• Sept. 9: Police caught up to some scofflaw’s vehicle parked down by the Rock and towed it off because the tags had expired…in March 2017, a case of “Get thee to the DMV! Dilly-dilly!”

• Sept. 8: Police were called at 9:16 p.m. to a disturbance in the 800 block of Embarcadero. Logs indicated they arrested one bent fellow, 46, for suspicion of being schnockered where the tourist can see, and a 16-year-old hellafied little hellion for her alleged drunken interference “in the arrest of an intoxicated male adult,” logs said.

• Sept. 8: Police responded to a disturbance at 8:48 p.m. in the 700 block of Morro Bay Blvd. They arrested some little Squit for suspicion of being on the razzle.

• Sept. 6: At 8:44 p.m. in the 3000 block of Yerba Buena a 56-year-old woman was arrested for resisting arrest and “obstructing and delaying a peace officer’s investigation,” a.k.a. pi**ing them off.

• Sept. 6: At 7:30 p.m. officers responded to the 3300 block of Toro Ln., for a reported assault. Police called it battery and will follow up, and don’t ya feel safer now…

• Sept. 6: Police responded to a home in the 2900 block of Ironwood where a man said some pirate took his jewelry dish and a cover from inside his “showroom” inside his house. Police documented his pinched booty.

• Sept. 6: Police stopped a suspicious vehicle at 8:33 a.m. in the 300 block of Pico. Logs indicated the woman driver, 36, was arrested for suspicionof driving stoned on drugs, an apparent case of wake and bake.

• Sept. 5: Two cars crashed at 6:50 p.m. at Kings and Fairway. There were apparently no injuries, so expect both sides to sue.

• Sept. 5: Someone called in a disturbing fellow at 4:23 p.m. at Lila Keiser Park. A 56-year-old allegedly sloshed Zhlub was arrested and put out of our misery.

• Sept. 5: Police responded to an old folks resort in the 1400 block of Teresa Dr., for an apparent fraud case. According to logs, the victim “realized she was beguiled by an unknown suspect” after she deposited three checks totaling “6,000 into two foreign accounts.” She reportedly had “vague recollections” of depositing the checks and “felt she was a victim of fraud,” marking the first time the word “beguiled” has appeared in the Morro Bay police logs but the millionth time a senior citizen has been beguiled by some scoundrel.

• Sept. 4: Police got a report of a disturbance at 3:57 p.m. at Albertson’s on Quintana. A 67-year-old woman was arrested for suspicion of being a bit toddy stricken. She was cited and released to wreak more havoc.

• Sept. 4: Police were called at 10:32 a.m. to the 2400 block of Nutmeg for a domestic dust up and violation of a stay-the-hell-away order. Logs noted there was “insufficient evidence,” and the douche bag lives to harass another day.

Pismo Beach

• Sept. 18: An officer was flagged down because someone was reportedly urinating on the side of a business on Shell Beach Road.

• Sept. 18: A possibly drunk transient was reported in a bathroom in a business on Wadsworth. A second report said that he was sleeping in there. He agreed to gather his things and go.

• Sept. 18: A woman was reportedly waving her arms, yelling and running into traffic across from Ventana Grill. Everything turned out okay and she was turned over to her husband.

• Sept. 18: A dentist on the 900 block of Oak Park reported being threatened by a patient. The guy had a bad toothache and refused to sit in the dental chair. He reportedly said that “he was so mad, he could punch him right now.” The dentist took care of him and the guy apologized.

• Sept. 18: Cattle were reportedly on the train tracks. The owner was contacted to moooove them away.

• Sept. 18: A prowler was reported on the 800 block of North 2nd Street. A man driving a big truck reportedly ran off and went through the back gates of the residence. As it turns out, the guy was there to see the caller’s son.

• Sept. 18: A female at Rite Aid was seen stuffing merchandise into her pockets.

• Sept. 18: Some sloppy drunks got argumentative when told to quiet down at the Cottage Inn by the Sea. They were given an eviction advisement.

• Sept. 17: A caller reported suspicious circumstances after seeing a car loitering in different parking lots. The nerd was playing Pokemon.

• Sept. 17: A caller reported a transient lying on the grass at Mary Herrington Park where the sprinklers were on. He had been drinking, but was okay, but agreed to move on. Seven hours later a wet guy talking to himself was reported at 7-Eleven. He said that he had been sleeping in the sprinklers. He also said that he needed medical aid. He was determined to be okay.

• Sept. 17: An 11-year old at Oxford Suites had a pair of scissors and was threatening to stab the caller and her supervisor. The juvenile was stabbing pillows. Police calmed the child down and he or she was turned over to a caretaker, hopefully without the scissors.

• Sept. 16: Some stumblebum was trying to get into other people’s rooms at the Hilton Garden Inn.

• Sept. 16: Two couples entered the Shoe Tree about 15 minutes apart from each other. Both tried to buy Uggs using a Western Union card that was declined.

• Sept. 16: Two females leaving Cool Cat Café were not too cool. One reportedly fell coming out of the restaurant, and then they got into a fight with each other. They were nailed for being hammered in public.

• Sept. 15: A guy on the 300 block of Hollister reportedly threw a phone at the caller and then left.

• Sept. 15: A caller on the 300 block of Indio reported someone possibly casing the area because he was looking into houses from a distance. He was a delivery truck driver looking for an address.

• Sept. 15: A large wedding party left trash all over Spyglass Park and appeared to be preparing to leave it behind. They were advised and cleaned up everything but silk flowers that were picked up by other people.

San Luis Obispo

• Sept. 20: An irate citizen called at 6:45 a.m. to complain about a car parked all night blocking the exit to the Kris Kar Apartments on Grand Avenue, no doubt another WOW week howdy from the future leaders of the free world.

• Sept. 20: A store clerk at Conserve Fuel on Broad called at 1:40 a.m. to report a pie-eyed, very aggressive man was in the store and had threatened him, the keeper of the booze. The squirrel scampered off before police arrived.

• Sept. 20: An apparently spooked citizen in the 200 block of Ferrini called at 12:46 a.m. and said her son was home and the garage light keeps going on and off, on and off, on and… in this week’s example of why we need SWAT.

• Sept. 20: At 12:22 a.m. an officer in the 100 block of Hind got out to tag a parked car and found someone sleeping inside.

• Sept. 19: Police contacted a suspicious fellow at 11:43 p.m. in the 700 block of Higuera and cited the apparent lush for suspicion of being rung up outside the AT&T Store.

• Sept. 19: Loud guitar music was disturbing the royals at the Economy Motel in the 600 block of Morro. Show was over before police arrived.

• Sept. 19: Police responded to the 1000 block of Railroad at 9:40 p.m. for a reported trespasser refusing to leave the patio of Café Roma. The mulish Jenny brayed that she owns the place but was gone when police arrived. In an unrelated similarity, at 9:30 p.m. in the 700 block of Foothill another apparent nillionaire was wrapped in a red blanket and laying across the entrance to SLO Donut Co.

• Sept. 19: Police got a report of a stolen vehicle from someone at French Hospital. Logs indicated it was stolen back by the repo-man.

• Sept. 19: Police were called at 6 p.m. to Sierra Vista Hospital where they’d apparently misplaced a patient who was being held waiting for County Mental Health since Sept. 1.

• Sept. 19: And in this week’s crime of the century, someone at Barrelhouse Brewing in the 1000 block of Chorro reported vandalism.

• Sept. 19: Police got a call at 5:41 p.m. from the 700 block of Foothill by a frightened woman who said a security guard was banging on the door at California Fresh Market and she doesn’t want to let him in.

• Sept. 19: Police were called at 7:30 p.m. to the 700 block of Rougeot where a gray Lexus POS with no back bumper, no plates, and no parking permit was causing a parking problem.

• Sept. 19: Some apparent larcenous fashionista took a 5-finger discount at Sephora on Higuera.

• Sept. 19: Police were called at 3 p.m. to Throop Park on Cerro Romauldo where some crass woman was shouting profanities by the children’s playground.

• Sept. 19: At 2 p.m. in the 3200 block of Rockview someone reported getting threats. And at 1:41 p.m. in the 3800 block of Broad a panic alarm went off at the Shalimar Restaurant.

• Sept. 19: At 12:30 p.m. at Palm and California someone reported a loud screeching sound possibly coming from a dentist’s office, not a good sign if you’re in the waiting room.

• Sept. 19: At 8:53 a.m. someone in the 3200 block of Higuera complained about two people asleep in a white, Toyota Prius with a smashed rear window. Another citizen complained abut a sleepy fellow emerging from a blue BMW parked in the 1600 block of Garden. And someone at SL Auto Repair in the 400 block of Higuera reported some rascal had made camp behind a berm in an empty lot.

• Sept. 19: Police responded at 8:14 a.m. to the 200 block of Bonetti for a pedestrian vs. bicyclist collision. Logs indicated the bicyclist injured his or her wrist.

• Sept. 19: Police responded at 7:14 a.m. to the 500 block of Dana for some transient man camped out by the barbecue pit, as the oddball apparently didn’t fit in at the Odd Fellows Hall.

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